Words From Unspoken Mothers:
When I delivered Promise, the triage nurse who discovered with us that Promise no longer had a heartbeat told me with tears in her eyes that she had lost a daughter. She was not able to be my nurse, but knowing there was someone there who knew my pain made my traumatic experience a little less alone.
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Later that year when I had my second stillborn son, Emmanuel, the nurse who came in to start my IV while I waited to have my c-section told me that she had also lost a baby. Again, she was not able to stay with me but knowing there was someone in that big hospital who knew my pain made a difference.
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I want to be able to be a nurse who can STAY WITH moms in the same dreadful circumstances and not have to leave to attend to other patients.
- Rachel, Mom to Promise and Emmanuel
The day I was induced to deliver my son who had passed away in my womb was the hardest day of my life. Having a bereavement nurse dedicated to helping us through the process changed our experience from one of confusion and pain, to one in which we were well informed, supported, and cared for. Talking with other parents of pregnancy loss I’ve heard many stories of trauma, but both my husband and I get to reflect on our son’s birth as one that contained beauty amongst the pain. Our bereavement nurse played an important role in that.
- Candice, Mom to Samuel
After my second child was born, I became pregnant again. When I went in for my 12-week check-up, the ultrasound technician performed a vaginal ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the technician said, “I can’t find the heartbeat,” then quickly left the room.
She left me there, alone and naked under a paper sheet. She left me there, wondering why she could not find my baby’s heartbeat.
A nurse came in, helped me get dressed, and then took me to my doctor’s office where she sat with me. The doctor came in and apologized profusely for the way that the technician had handled the situation and then said the baby inside my womb did not have a heartbeat and since I had not spontaneously aborted, we would need to schedule a D&C. I was in shock, I was heartbroken, and I felt ALONE.
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When Rachel shared her idea of having a nurse available to minister to the needs of these brokenhearted mothers, I couldn’t help but wish that she had been there for me, during my appointment. Why haven’t we (nurses), because I am a nurse too, thought of this need before? We have come so far in palliative care for those that we know are dying and we have come so far in meeting the needs of families that have had a loved-one die in the hospital, but we are missing the opportunity to meet the needs of mothers who have “lost” a child through miscarriage or stillbirth.
Rachel has the caring spirit needed to minister to this special population of patients in mourning. I have watched her care for her patients with positivity, empathy, and patience, even when these patients were angry, and not at all thankful for her help. She truly cares for people and wants them to have healing in whatever situation that they are in.