Chances are, even if you have never had a miscarriage, you are close with someone who has. You are less likely to have as many close friends who have had a stillborn child, or a child who died shortly after birth, but chances are you do know someone. And, chances are also pretty high that either you or someone you are close to has had post partum depression.
Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and post partum depression, in some form, impact all women. There are many fantastic resources for women, and their whole families, for after they leave the doctor’s office, hospital, or birthing centers, but the support they receive the moments they first find out the dreaded news and then deliver a still baby can be far from supportive and optimal.
Even if they have had more than 1 miscarriage or stillborn baby, mothers may not know what resources are available for them in the moment and many may not do things they may look back and wish they had done: have a memorial service for their baby, get connected with an organization that offers free/low cost burials for infants, take whole family photos of them with their baby to name a few.
These decisions are all decisions that need to be made in the hospital right in the moment of trauma and grief, and with no one advocating alongside these mothers and their families many precious moments that could have been made amidst the pain are lost.
This is where Unspoken Motherhood Inc comes in. Nurse Advocates from Unspoken Motherhood come to the hospital to connect the mother with resources, be it funeral planning, photography for family photos, and contact information for support groups for when they leave the hospital. They connect them to the Loss Mom community, and gift them with tangible comfort items that can remind them once they leave the hospital that they are not alone.
Unspoken Motherhood Inc advocates for these mothers so they are not forgotten by their health care providers, so they feel supported by their health care providers, and so they feel comfortable going back to their healthcare providers and can get the care they need if they develop post partum depression, or for any other post partum need.
Our Newsletters
Read past newsletters to learn more about who is behind Unspoken Motherhood and what is happening currently behind them. Some of them are highlighted below.
When I delivered Promise, the triage nurse who discovered with us that Promise no longer had a heartbeat told me with tears in her eyes that she had lost a daughter. She was not able to be my nurse, but knowing there was someone there who knew my pain made my traumatic experience a little less alone.
Later that year when I had my second stillborn son, Emmanuel, the nurse who came in to start my IV while I waited to have my c-section told me that she had also lost a baby. Again, she was not able to stay with me but knowing there was someone in that big hospital who knew my pain made a difference.
I want to be able to be a nurse who can STAY WITH moms in the same dreadful circumstances and not have to leave to attend to other patients.
The day I was induced to deliver my son who had passed away in my womb was the hardest day of my life. Having a bereavement nurse dedicated to helping us through the process changed our experience from one of confusion and pain, to one in which we were well informed, supported, and cared for.
Talking with other parents of pregnancy loss I’ve heard many stories of trauma, but both my husband and I get to reflect on our son’s birth as one that contained beauty amongst the pain. Our bereavement nurse played an important role in that.
After my second child was born, I became pregnant again. When I went in for my 12-week check-up, the ultrasound technician performed a vaginal ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the technician said, “I can’t find the heartbeat,” then quickly left the room.
She left me there, alone and naked under a paper sheet. She left me there, wondering why she could not find my baby’s heartbeat.
A nurse came in, helped me get dressed, and then took me to my doctor’s office where she sat with me. The doctor came in and apologized profusely for the way that the technician had handled the situation and then said the baby inside my womb did not have a heartbeat and since I had not spontaneously aborted, we would need to schedule a D&C. I was in shock, I was heartbroken, and I felt ALONE.
When Rachel shared her idea of having a nurse available to minister to the needs of these brokenhearted mothers, I couldn’t help but wish that she had been there for me, during my appointment. Why haven’t we (nurses), because I am a nurse too, thought of this need before? We have come so far in palliative care for those that we know are dying and we have come so far in meeting the needs of families that have had a loved-one die in the hospital, but we are missing the opportunity to meet the needs of mothers who have “lost” a child through miscarriage or stillbirth.
